I have pics to prove it!

'ello all-- I just had a bangin' birfday celebration (well, what i can remember). I went to Bowlmor Lanes in the city- fun, fun. Bowlmor Lanes is awesome if you never been there, you better go, yo. Bowling, boozing, and there's a DJ. It's amazing! Okay enough advertising, my crotch still hurts from humping the bowling balls. Thank You all for coming out... and babysitting me, till next time!

STOP IT!!!

So! What's the deal with people pissing me off this week (GET BENT!) (What!). I mean at least wait until the weekend, shit! -Okay someone's having a bad week.- SFW I am having a bad week, it happens. Maybe I am just an angry person and I need some anger management. Or maybe I am a push over and people do and say F'up shit to me all the time: and it rolls off my back, or I don't care that particular day, or I take that shit and store it away for a rainy day. So next time that same person says some F'up shit to me, my blood starts to boil (I literally see red, that's not good), and I unleash an angry fury of death stares, curses, and I spend hours thinking of 50 different ways to choke you with my foot against throat. Whew, I feel better already... this writing stuff is therapeutic.

Whatever... does it mean...

...a wise surgeon once said, "don't try to explain your deepest, because its strickly for the heart not the brain...

Okey, I'm back.

Okay, okay so where was I... Uh.. Aug., Sept., Oct... Let's rewind, shall we. So in early Aug. I got wasted, no I mean WASTED!!! So wasted that I passed out at an after-after party woke up half naked in the deep end of a swimming pool (and I can't swim), passed out again woke up thirty minutes after I was suppose to be at work, arrived at work still drunk, mooned my co-workers, puked on my manager, and slapped and then threatened to kill a customer, while waving a knife. Okay maybe some of those things didn't happen, but who remembers anyway, I blacked that day out. Okay that month out. September I joined the wagon club and I have been clean and sober every since. (*right!) I spent Sept. locked in my room watching my shows (Medium, Lost, Alias, etc.) and stuffing my face (I should be a 500 lb pony (what)). Mid October I fell off the wagon hard, it was a wine tasting, I had to do it. I once again made an ass out of myself. I will not go into details (because I can't remember), but it involves making out with some guy in front of his girlfriend, well at least I didn't fall through a glass coffee table. I gave myself 30 lashes and went to an Amy Grant concert... am I forgiven??? Halloween party! Whoa! Beer-Talk-Beer-Beer-Talk-Beer-Chat-Beer-Dance-Beer-Smooch-Beer-Frock-Beer-Dance-Beer-Pill-Pole-Dance-Pole-Beer-Slur-Sleep-Beer-Chat-Beer-Balloon-Balloon-Sleep-???-???-Beer? Great Party! On Halloween day I gave out candy to trick-or-treaters. It was my first time giving out candy, these kids were like vultures, pushing and shoving, kicking the door, I swear I heard one of them say-"give me more candy you whore" Madness.

What happened to July??? And Aug., Sept., and Oct...

I am s-so sorry my dear blogees, I must have been sleeping. July was crazy, I am just happy to be alive. Let us reminisce... It started out with a bang (literally). I was invited to a couple of BBQ's on the 4th. One was a "L-word" BBQ (if you know what I mean (not that there is anything wrong with that)), anyway I needed backup so I took Gal Pal #8. Now my gal pal and I don't play on that side of the fence, but those L-girls wasn't hearing it. The more we drank the more we sounded like L-girls ourselves. "So how long have you girls been 'friends'?", someone asked. I didn't think of it then, but I know realize that everyone believed we were a couple. No matter how many times Gal Pal #8 mentioned her boyfriend, like I said- they were not hearing it. Anyway the food was great and I had a good time chattin' it up. And smores on the grill is ambrosia!

Round 2/BBQ 2 was at this guys house (strange guy #3). Strange Guy #3 keeps popping in and out of my life (no, not literally), anyway Gal Pal #8 and I get there all drunk and rowdy. We eat all of there food and have a many conversations about weird people, with weird people, and I can't remember what else happened because I took a nap and woke up to a dog licking my lips or was that Strange Guy #3???

A couple days later I go to the NYC to see a theater production called The Diva & The Rapper. Which was exactly about that, two generations of music getting together, mixin' -matchin' -mismatchin' and collidin' into chaos... jolly good, jolly good. My Gal Pal #9 was in the cast (she played the rapper). This was my first time seeing her perform and she was awsome, in a few years she will be on her way to a successful acting career... good job! So after the show we grab some beers and hop on the train. Beer #2 I am tipsy, I notice that my can of beer has a widget in it - a widget is a plastic, nitrogen-filled sphere (a little smaller than a ping-pong ball), the purpose of the widget is to create a head on the beer. The widget didn't really serve a purpose for me because I was chuggin' it out of the can, anyway I tell Gal Pal #9 about the widget. She seems curious, so I quickly chug the rest of the beer, I bend the can back and forth, and then I begin to tear the can open with my teeth like a mad woman. Gal Pal #9 looks at me like I'm straight nuts. I finally tear it open slice my lip, the beer I thought I chugged flies eveywhere, the widget hits the ground and starts rollin', and I am rollin'. Now everyone is starring at me and I just laugh. Funny.